I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
