How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
