dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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