You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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