I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
