things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
