Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just forgot I was standing up.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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