How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
