I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
