It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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