State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The best revenge is premature balding
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just pee around me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
