Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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