She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
