Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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