that's an acceptable place to lick
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
