her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
