Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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