If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Found the puke drawer
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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