I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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