1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
id be glad to
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Couch. On fire.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
