Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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