Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
