Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
