why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just invented taco cereal.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
