Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
