I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
