Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
