guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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