I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Fuck appropriateness.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
