im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
