Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
