I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
