love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
