this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
