when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
