I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
