you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
