Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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