Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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