"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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