Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
