That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
