meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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