Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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