She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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