ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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