We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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