I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
