Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize