Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
