he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
where does the pee come out of this thing
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Everyone says I win the strip club
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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