I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
