i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
