And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
