You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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