I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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