Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
