This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
