I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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