there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I party with great urgency now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
