Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
